Back to Life, Back to Reality 19
Almost a year ago today I ate a scrumptious brownie, curled myself up into a stationary ball and two hours later I was pondering who I was, where I was sitting and whether or not I was dating a girl who I could vaguely remember as being my girlfriend, but I really was not sure. For hours I pensively wandered between cabinets of my own brain hoping for an answer or explanation, but I rarely found anything and if I did find something salient it was only for a fleeting moment and then I ended up lost in another compartment of my mind wishing I could remember what I was just thinking a moment ago.
Thankfully, I returned to sobriety and rationality when I awoke the next morning. Although cloudy, I felt like I had recovered my mind and sanity from the fat soluble substances that had permeated more of the brownie than I had intended. Reflecting upon the prior nights events was eery, but interesting. I realized that I was so thoroughly intoxicated that I had shifted my own personal reality. I had a schizophrenic split. A complete and utter disassociation and decompensation from my normal existence. I was another person who was discovered through excessive substance stimulation. For many hours on end I had lost touch with reality, existed in a separate reality and then luckily returned to what can be vaguely described as objective reality. But I was only more confused by these thoughts because I couldn't define reality or separate the one I lived in from the reality my roommates perceived or the one I had lived through the night before. Due to the unique trials and tribulations we all go through, our realities and understandings become distinctly shaped and differentiated from every other persons. We see things through our filter and come to view and interpret the world in our own personal way.
Reality always confuses me because it shifts so often that it is difficult for me to understand where I am. An objective reality certainly exists, however the problem is that everyone uses their own subjective beliefs to interpret the objectivity. With human error and skewing factored into and affecting objectivity it causes one to question the actual existence of an objective reality.
A very basic and easily understood object that we all regularly encounter is the stop sign. It is universally red, shaped like an octagon with a white border and white lettering spelling out 'STOP.' And unless you are color blind this sign is sensed the same by everyone, but it is likely perceived very differently between individuals. As one decides the meaning of this sign, we always factor in context. We must see whether or not there is a police officer watching, if there are pedestrians, other cars or it's two in the morning and you just want to get home and this sign is merely a pause or small hinderance to you getting getting to bed as fast as possible. According to the law, a complete stop behind the white line is mandatory, but as most Californians do, we just slowdown, roll and stop only if necessary then proceed quickly because we must continue our fast-paced lives. On the contrary, Grandpa Rogers and his wrap around sunglasses requires a halting of the world - it feels as if the globe stops spinning on it's axis - as he looks both ways multiple times then slowly crawls through the intersection. Context, situational differences, personal biases and needs all shape how we perceive the stop sign and on a larger level, reality and our existence. This rudimentary example, although shallow, can be applied to any and all of our everyday experiences and encounters.
Language is another scary and glaring example of subjective realities. "That's not what I meant," has been uttered from all of us in the middle of a fight or argument. Oftentimes messages are 'lost in translation' and we resort to this safe phrase, which is very cliche, in order to escape further damage. But then it leads us into the trap of, "well what did you mean," and we must scramble to pick our words and tone wisely to prevent another disaster. Diction, intonation, mannerisms and facial expression are all part of conveying language and what we mean versus what is understood by others can be completely different because of the way we all interpret the world presented to us. Another example is the complete denial of, "I didn't say that," when we probably did, but didn't intend the effects or message that occurred. So instead of confessing to the words, we lie and deny then reiterate with a totally different tone and word choice to explain what was supposed to be communicated. Due to people's life experiences and understanding of language there is far too much variation for us to truly convey our messages to others appropriately without suffering the telephone effect where what was originally said is completely skewed and lost during communication.
While reading Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs a few months ago - at the point when I was immersed in my reality obsession - I came across a quote in one of his essays that was especially poignant for me, "Life is rarely about what happened; it's mostly about what we think happened" (103). Klosterman touches my soul with his writing and this quote punched me in the face when I read it because of its relevance to my personal qualms. We selectively view, listen and interpret what occurs in our life. We prime ourselves and experiences to fit into our self constructed reality. Klosterman's quote alludes to our ability to alter what actually happened and the quote also indirectly destroys the credibility of eyewitness accounts for criminal trials.
Majoring in criminal justice at SFSU, my courses oftentimes discussed the fallibility of eyewitnesses because of the the emotions and prejudice involved with witnessing a crime. Repeatedly there have been eyewitness reports of a tall, African-American male assaulting a white women with a gun, yet when the police later find the perpetrator through alternate evidence, the offender ends up being a white man, who is 5'5" and used a bat. These egregious representations of eye witness accounts displays the inherent racism of some people and how they let it skew their memory and the subsequent facts of a case. We will always see what we want to see and believe what we want to support our own beliefs thus we are constantly creating our own realities that we are comfortable living in.
Luckily by creating our own reality, we can be optimistic and think positive thoughts to establish a better existence to live within. We can establish a subjectively created life for ourselves and positively influence our companions. We can create a life where we only remember the good things and what we believe happened while ignoring the occasional hurt and pain that can actually happened. Even after this blog I will continue to obsess and attempt to break apart different realities so I can better understand myself and everyone else around me, including Grandpa Rogers and the intoxicated rock that sits curled up on the couch after eating a special, double fudge, chocolate frosted brownie.
Thankfully, I returned to sobriety and rationality when I awoke the next morning. Although cloudy, I felt like I had recovered my mind and sanity from the fat soluble substances that had permeated more of the brownie than I had intended. Reflecting upon the prior nights events was eery, but interesting. I realized that I was so thoroughly intoxicated that I had shifted my own personal reality. I had a schizophrenic split. A complete and utter disassociation and decompensation from my normal existence. I was another person who was discovered through excessive substance stimulation. For many hours on end I had lost touch with reality, existed in a separate reality and then luckily returned to what can be vaguely described as objective reality. But I was only more confused by these thoughts because I couldn't define reality or separate the one I lived in from the reality my roommates perceived or the one I had lived through the night before. Due to the unique trials and tribulations we all go through, our realities and understandings become distinctly shaped and differentiated from every other persons. We see things through our filter and come to view and interpret the world in our own personal way.
Reality always confuses me because it shifts so often that it is difficult for me to understand where I am. An objective reality certainly exists, however the problem is that everyone uses their own subjective beliefs to interpret the objectivity. With human error and skewing factored into and affecting objectivity it causes one to question the actual existence of an objective reality.
A very basic and easily understood object that we all regularly encounter is the stop sign. It is universally red, shaped like an octagon with a white border and white lettering spelling out 'STOP.' And unless you are color blind this sign is sensed the same by everyone, but it is likely perceived very differently between individuals. As one decides the meaning of this sign, we always factor in context. We must see whether or not there is a police officer watching, if there are pedestrians, other cars or it's two in the morning and you just want to get home and this sign is merely a pause or small hinderance to you getting getting to bed as fast as possible. According to the law, a complete stop behind the white line is mandatory, but as most Californians do, we just slowdown, roll and stop only if necessary then proceed quickly because we must continue our fast-paced lives. On the contrary, Grandpa Rogers and his wrap around sunglasses requires a halting of the world - it feels as if the globe stops spinning on it's axis - as he looks both ways multiple times then slowly crawls through the intersection. Context, situational differences, personal biases and needs all shape how we perceive the stop sign and on a larger level, reality and our existence. This rudimentary example, although shallow, can be applied to any and all of our everyday experiences and encounters.
Language is another scary and glaring example of subjective realities. "That's not what I meant," has been uttered from all of us in the middle of a fight or argument. Oftentimes messages are 'lost in translation' and we resort to this safe phrase, which is very cliche, in order to escape further damage. But then it leads us into the trap of, "well what did you mean," and we must scramble to pick our words and tone wisely to prevent another disaster. Diction, intonation, mannerisms and facial expression are all part of conveying language and what we mean versus what is understood by others can be completely different because of the way we all interpret the world presented to us. Another example is the complete denial of, "I didn't say that," when we probably did, but didn't intend the effects or message that occurred. So instead of confessing to the words, we lie and deny then reiterate with a totally different tone and word choice to explain what was supposed to be communicated. Due to people's life experiences and understanding of language there is far too much variation for us to truly convey our messages to others appropriately without suffering the telephone effect where what was originally said is completely skewed and lost during communication.
While reading Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs a few months ago - at the point when I was immersed in my reality obsession - I came across a quote in one of his essays that was especially poignant for me, "Life is rarely about what happened; it's mostly about what we think happened" (103). Klosterman touches my soul with his writing and this quote punched me in the face when I read it because of its relevance to my personal qualms. We selectively view, listen and interpret what occurs in our life. We prime ourselves and experiences to fit into our self constructed reality. Klosterman's quote alludes to our ability to alter what actually happened and the quote also indirectly destroys the credibility of eyewitness accounts for criminal trials.
Majoring in criminal justice at SFSU, my courses oftentimes discussed the fallibility of eyewitnesses because of the the emotions and prejudice involved with witnessing a crime. Repeatedly there have been eyewitness reports of a tall, African-American male assaulting a white women with a gun, yet when the police later find the perpetrator through alternate evidence, the offender ends up being a white man, who is 5'5" and used a bat. These egregious representations of eye witness accounts displays the inherent racism of some people and how they let it skew their memory and the subsequent facts of a case. We will always see what we want to see and believe what we want to support our own beliefs thus we are constantly creating our own realities that we are comfortable living in.
Luckily by creating our own reality, we can be optimistic and think positive thoughts to establish a better existence to live within. We can establish a subjectively created life for ourselves and positively influence our companions. We can create a life where we only remember the good things and what we believe happened while ignoring the occasional hurt and pain that can actually happened. Even after this blog I will continue to obsess and attempt to break apart different realities so I can better understand myself and everyone else around me, including Grandpa Rogers and the intoxicated rock that sits curled up on the couch after eating a special, double fudge, chocolate frosted brownie.
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