Awkward 26
Awkwardness is all relative. When an awkward situation arises, some people become uncomfortable, while other people embrace it. I usually find myself in the latter group. I enjoy awkward situations and conversations for the exact reason everyone else hates them; they are very disconcerting. My friends and I used to challenge each other with troubling public conversations, especially on the MUNI to see who could be more crude and ruin the other person's demeanor. It was completely immature and inappropriate, but we had to live and learn somehow.
I love to exploit an uncomfortable atmosphere for all its potential. It brings me joy and happiness, like cookies and milk to a young child. I try not to live within all the confines of social structure, while maintaining decent social etiquette. Personal space has to be the biggest trigger for most people's discomfort because it provides us with a safe barrier from the outside world. Without our own wall of security, we become antsy, uncomfortable, slightly violated and short tempered.
Men’s public bathrooms are very uncomfortable because in order to pee, we have to expose our personal space to other men looking for relief. Most public bathrooms do not have side panels, which substitute for the lack of space between elbows with a thin, quarter inch shield of particleboard. These establishments that neglect to place the necessary protection between innocent men and peeping Toms should be sued and held responsible for sexual harassment. It should be called ‘negligent construction’ and be considered against the law if a restaurant or bar leave out these cheap, yet necessary accouterments for patron comfort. Women are given private stalls with seats, men an open friggin' space with standing room only. Do I dare claim this is a bit sexist?
Last week I was at Kennedy's in North Beach celebrating an intramural soccer championship when I realized my bladder was full. I had to break the seal, so I headed to the men’s room. The bathroom looks like it has been graffitied and repainted at least 57 times and it is dark, black and kind of scary. On my first trip in, I opened the door with my foot and didn't notice that another person was following me closely. I didn't see him, so I didn't hold the door and the swinging piece of wood almost knocked him over. He made a joke about my mishap, and we laughed as we headed to the two urinals in the black dungeon of pissing doom. But his talking didn't stop. He proceeded to chat about soccer, life and his career as a semi-pro. I didn't get it, was this guy from Greenland? Why was he talking in the bathroom? I quickly ditched out after being his confidant for too long and was thoroughly glad to be freed. An hour later I returned to the death cave and once again a guy followed me in and chatted with me the entire time we peed. I was so confused. Do I look like a guy who enjoys bathroom banter? What do I do to make people want to talk with me? Whatever it is, I want to change it.
Around 7:30am this morning on MUNI (Thursday 5/22) I was heading to my last final ever at SFSU. I was still a bit drowsy from the early wake up call and I certainly didn't feel like studying anymore so I just stared into space without a purpose. However my daze was broken off by a homely, overweight man who was probably in his late forties. He plopped down in the seat across from me and let out a subtle sigh. There was nothing special about him, but he was just one of those people you take a little longer to look at and understand. I went back to my staring for another three minutes, but I returned to this man across the aisle and watched as he began drifting off to sleep with his book in his lap. His head was bobbing painfully up and down, but what followed this was amazing. A girl no older than twelve unknowingly took the last open seat next to him. This girl was all of a hundred pounds and probably five feet tall. She became a support system for this particular MUNI rider, she was his pillow and mattress all rolled into one bundle of discomfort. For another two stops, this sleeping giant bounced off of this adolescent girl as she cringed and prayed he would wake up and leave her alone. After five minutes she just got up an stood at one end of the train and stared at him with disgust and was probably questioning, “what the hell old man, is this your fuckin’ bedroom? Drink a coffee or something!”
MUNI provides endless amounts of fun and awkward moments. We have all suffered through accidentally sitting next to the smelly guy on the train and tried to avoid the psychotic homeless person rambling about God. I think I may have matured, or become jaded and old because I have realized through the progress of this blog, that I don’t like the awkward situations as much as I once did. The bathroom talk, MUNI situations and Ben Stiller all make me feel very uncomfortable, but I do enjoy watching these events play out, so you crazy self-talkers, sleeping beasts and gregarious drunks please focus on everyone else except me!
I love to exploit an uncomfortable atmosphere for all its potential. It brings me joy and happiness, like cookies and milk to a young child. I try not to live within all the confines of social structure, while maintaining decent social etiquette. Personal space has to be the biggest trigger for most people's discomfort because it provides us with a safe barrier from the outside world. Without our own wall of security, we become antsy, uncomfortable, slightly violated and short tempered.
Men’s public bathrooms are very uncomfortable because in order to pee, we have to expose our personal space to other men looking for relief. Most public bathrooms do not have side panels, which substitute for the lack of space between elbows with a thin, quarter inch shield of particleboard. These establishments that neglect to place the necessary protection between innocent men and peeping Toms should be sued and held responsible for sexual harassment. It should be called ‘negligent construction’ and be considered against the law if a restaurant or bar leave out these cheap, yet necessary accouterments for patron comfort. Women are given private stalls with seats, men an open friggin' space with standing room only. Do I dare claim this is a bit sexist?
Last week I was at Kennedy's in North Beach celebrating an intramural soccer championship when I realized my bladder was full. I had to break the seal, so I headed to the men’s room. The bathroom looks like it has been graffitied and repainted at least 57 times and it is dark, black and kind of scary. On my first trip in, I opened the door with my foot and didn't notice that another person was following me closely. I didn't see him, so I didn't hold the door and the swinging piece of wood almost knocked him over. He made a joke about my mishap, and we laughed as we headed to the two urinals in the black dungeon of pissing doom. But his talking didn't stop. He proceeded to chat about soccer, life and his career as a semi-pro. I didn't get it, was this guy from Greenland? Why was he talking in the bathroom? I quickly ditched out after being his confidant for too long and was thoroughly glad to be freed. An hour later I returned to the death cave and once again a guy followed me in and chatted with me the entire time we peed. I was so confused. Do I look like a guy who enjoys bathroom banter? What do I do to make people want to talk with me? Whatever it is, I want to change it.
Around 7:30am this morning on MUNI (Thursday 5/22) I was heading to my last final ever at SFSU. I was still a bit drowsy from the early wake up call and I certainly didn't feel like studying anymore so I just stared into space without a purpose. However my daze was broken off by a homely, overweight man who was probably in his late forties. He plopped down in the seat across from me and let out a subtle sigh. There was nothing special about him, but he was just one of those people you take a little longer to look at and understand. I went back to my staring for another three minutes, but I returned to this man across the aisle and watched as he began drifting off to sleep with his book in his lap. His head was bobbing painfully up and down, but what followed this was amazing. A girl no older than twelve unknowingly took the last open seat next to him. This girl was all of a hundred pounds and probably five feet tall. She became a support system for this particular MUNI rider, she was his pillow and mattress all rolled into one bundle of discomfort. For another two stops, this sleeping giant bounced off of this adolescent girl as she cringed and prayed he would wake up and leave her alone. After five minutes she just got up an stood at one end of the train and stared at him with disgust and was probably questioning, “what the hell old man, is this your fuckin’ bedroom? Drink a coffee or something!”
MUNI provides endless amounts of fun and awkward moments. We have all suffered through accidentally sitting next to the smelly guy on the train and tried to avoid the psychotic homeless person rambling about God. I think I may have matured, or become jaded and old because I have realized through the progress of this blog, that I don’t like the awkward situations as much as I once did. The bathroom talk, MUNI situations and Ben Stiller all make me feel very uncomfortable, but I do enjoy watching these events play out, so you crazy self-talkers, sleeping beasts and gregarious drunks please focus on everyone else except me!
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I HATE public restrooms. I sometimes find myself talking on my cell phone in them though. Like when you are entering and the phone is still in your ear...I never let that stop my chatter.
GIRLS ARE THE MOST dirtiest creatures ever. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF!