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so i'm in a big predicament right now. i am struggling with keeping my weight up, and there are huge consequences. if i don't get it up i won't be able to work any more, at any of my three jobs. I also won't be able to go on my week-long trip to NYC.
But, what scares me the most is never being able to run again and not being able to go to college, which is where i am right now. my parents are saying that currently i am not bound for college, not bound for my early admit pratt spot or my major scholarship that i've worked twelve and a half years for. it means i'll have to put off my dream of becoming an architect, of living in NYC, of being off on my own, starting my own life. this scares the shit out of me. i don't know what to do, i try to eat better, eat more, but it's not nearly as easy as it sounds. and it's all backed up by several MD's and RD's who only make it more difficult for me.
I want to be able to get out, study architecture, live in NYC... but i'm honestly not sure how that is going to happen with all the restraints i have on me right now. it feels like i can't control anything in my life, like i don't have a say in what happens to me or what i end up doing.
i think i need some refreshing music and a friend to talk to for hours
but what do i know, right?
ugh.
xoxo zanne
But, what scares me the most is never being able to run again and not being able to go to college, which is where i am right now. my parents are saying that currently i am not bound for college, not bound for my early admit pratt spot or my major scholarship that i've worked twelve and a half years for. it means i'll have to put off my dream of becoming an architect, of living in NYC, of being off on my own, starting my own life. this scares the shit out of me. i don't know what to do, i try to eat better, eat more, but it's not nearly as easy as it sounds. and it's all backed up by several MD's and RD's who only make it more difficult for me.
I want to be able to get out, study architecture, live in NYC... but i'm honestly not sure how that is going to happen with all the restraints i have on me right now. it feels like i can't control anything in my life, like i don't have a say in what happens to me or what i end up doing.
i think i need some refreshing music and a friend to talk to for hours
but what do i know, right?
ugh.
xoxo zanne
Comments
Kidding, that wasn't helping at all.
You only feel like you can't control anything, when honestly everything that happens is only under your control. If you want something so bad, then go for it. (Yeah I shouldn't be talking because I want so many things which I'm able to achieve, but never try hard enough.) I have so many life goals that I never told anyone about (because I'm scared of them laughing at me or telling me it won't happen) that probably won't happen for another five years, but you gotta work with what you currently got. Prove your parents wrong and show them what you really wanna do. Honestly parents are the one thing that keeps us from doing anything, just like not being 21!!!! But if you really show them what you want, they will lighten up.
Humorous, yes. But, it also sort of makes you think about it. Sometimes, it isn't worth it to sweat the small stuff, like peanut butter. But other times, you've gotta tackle the small stuff before moving on to bigger projects.
So, maybe a better quote from Calvin is "... when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own!"
I don't know if any of this is helpful or not.
Just remember that no matter how much you fuck up, you're still young enough that you can always fix life down the road.
Rob
We are not alone!