PolarChimp http://www.fuzz.com/fan/PolarChimp Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:05:08 -0800 Fuzz.com en http://www.fuzz.com/ http://www.fuzz.com/_/images/logo/blimp.png http://www.fuzz.com/fan/PolarChimp/blog/entry/Ode-to-How-Its-Made http://www.fuzz.com/fan/PolarChimp/blog/entry/Ode-to-How-Its-Made#comments
This show is actually an import from Quebec and was called "Comment c'est fait". What's unfair is that I enjoy making fun of Canadians, especially the Quebecois. How can you make a Frenchman even more arrogant? Move him to Canada. But do you know what that asshole French Canuck did? He made me fall in love with him. Deeply. It's Canadians like this guy and Neil Young that make hating Canadians difficult.

Now I appreciate randomness. Maybe it speaks to my gambling spirit. I like Russian Roulette as much as the next random and unsuspecting Russian that I hook up with from Craig's List. The format of the show is simple. In one half hour there are four totally random and unrelated segments that deal with the making of things. Here are a few actual examples of past shows except for one. Can you guess which one doesn't belong?

1.Steel, Apple Juice, Aircraft Landing Gears, Cosmetics
2.Horse-drawn carriages, Artificial Eyes, Dog and Cat Food, Mirrors
3.Fresh Cut Flowers, Adhesive Tape, Tofu, Lottery Tickets
4.Peace, Love, Happiness, Hope

If you guessed number 2 then you are right! Nobody uses Horse-drawn Carriages anymore you fucking moron. Finally, the last thing it does for me is that the show is helping me appreciate all the hard work that goes into making the material objects that surround us in life. The other thing it does is that it gives me a chance to contemplate the big questions in life like; what came first, the chicken or the egg? Like today for instance, they were highlighting a machine that makes custom drill bits for industrial purposes. They were using custom drill bits to make custom drill bits. Where exactly did the first drill bit come from? It's not like Moses brought the first drill bit down from Mount Sinai along with the Ten Commandments, right? Unless God used a custom drill bit to carve the Ten Commandments. Ohh, I get it now. I answered my own question.

Well that's it. Here is my submission to "How it's Made". What's being made you ask? Answer: Your Day. How? Answer: Watch "How it's Made"]]> Thu, 13 Sep 2007 10:25:12 -0700 http://www.fuzz.com/fan/PolarChimp/blog/entry/Ode-to-How-Its-Made http://www.fuzz.com/fan/PolarChimp/blog/entry/My-Dead-Bully-and-Me http://www.fuzz.com/fan/PolarChimp/blog/entry/My-Dead-Bully-and-Me#comments
A number of years later I remember seeing a name in the news paper and guiltlessly grinned to myself. I won't say his name or how he died but it apparently was not a pretty sight. I'm not proud to say that on a few birthdays I've made certain wishes that apparently came true. Now, I remember watching an Oprah when she had guests confront their bullies and what has become of them. Here's how it would go if I were on that show:

Oprah> Is there anything that you'd like to say to your bully, Stephen?
Stephen> Yeah, sometimes I remember all the physical and mental pain that you've caused me and I look at you and remember that you were forced to have a closed casket, so, Bully, we're even.
Oprah> Bully, is there anything you'd like to say to Stephen today?
Bully> *flies buzzing*
Oprah> Well said! Next we have a woman who was bullied by her pet hamster as a child, only to be tormented by her iguana years later...

That last bit will guarantee me a spot in hell, but at least I know who I'll be sitting by. I wonder if Satan will let us play some old pigskin in Hell. I hope I can play on offense this time around though.]]> Sun, 05 Aug 2007 10:36:50 -0700 http://www.fuzz.com/fan/PolarChimp/blog/entry/My-Dead-Bully-and-Me