Bird http://www.fuzz.com/fan/Bird Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:49:59 -0800 Fuzz.com en http://www.fuzz.com/ http://www.fuzz.com/_/images/logo/blimp.png http://www.fuzz.com/fan/Bird/blog/entry/Touring-Rules http://www.fuzz.com/fan/Bird/blog/entry/Touring-Rules#comments
Rules for touring
1. if you are a local band- don't ever come up and ask a touring band if you can borrow equipment. if you can't get it together enough to bring your own shit to a show then you need to figure out a way to deal with it. what happens when you break that cymbal that you borrowed? i'll tell you what happens: the touring band is totally fucked and has to put a bunch of money on their already maxed out credit card while you probably just shrug it off and go back to your parent's house to go to sleep.

2. i know that girl you have a crush on from class is watching and you even saw her singing along to your band's cover of "Longview" but there are three other bands watching you strut around the stage like your Dane-fucking-Cook so get your shit off the stage. (side note: and if your primary focus in playing music is to impress girls then you should be playing some form of screamo)

3. as much as i enjoyed your charming story about how much you like the songs from our website yet you are "totally broke" i can assure you that not in your wildest dreams can you imagine the depth of poverty that a touring band endures so the answer is, "no- you cannot have something for free".

4. if your band takes longer than 20 minutes to set up then you suck.

5. "what was that? oh, i'm doing fine, thank you- and yourself? uhhhhh.... i'm sorry- do i know you from somewhere? i didn't think so... so why the fuck would i put you on our guest list?"

6. while it is definitely true that one of the true wonders of touring for a band is meeting new and interesting people you might want to consider that the best time to possibly become this person is probably not when someone has their mouth full of food, is moving equipment, or talking on their phone.

7. please do not confuse the fact that your drunken roommate is in the back of the room yelling for an encore with the stark reality that no one else is clapping for a very good reason.

8. i know you're all inspired from coming back from the Warped Tour but there is sequence of events involved in a band which goes like this: learn to tune and play your instruments THEN work on your explosive "At-the-Drive-In-esque" live show.]]> Fri, 14 Mar 2008 14:58:27 -0700 http://www.fuzz.com/fan/Bird/blog/entry/Touring-Rules