Baby Ghost

Amy Winehouse's cell phone was stolen in London last week, and apparently the thief or thieves managed to hack into her voicemail. The following voicemail from Ms. Winehouse's cell phone was leaked onto the internet this morning and transcribed by yours truly:

“Hi, Amy, it’s me, Crack. Look, I know I just saw you a couple hours ago, but… Shit. I had this rehearsed. (Sigh) God, this is hard. Ok. (Deep breath) Ok. Amy, this is from all your drugs… We had a meeting at my house, and we decided that you need help. Quite frankly, we’re sick of you using us—that’s to say, we feel used, if you can believe it. You’re giving us a bad image, and it’s starting to affect us all in a really negative way. Take my cousin, for example: Cocaine says he’s getting so depressed about the whole thing that he’s going to start cutting himself. Did you hear that? Cutting himself! Well, just with baking soda, but still! When Cocaine wants to cut himself just to wean your dirty ass, I think it’s safe to say you’ve got a problem—a big problem! Which reminds me: the squirrels nesting in your hair say that they know of a great rehab center. I told them they’d be nuts to suggest such a thing—hahaha!—but they figured it wouldn’t hurt to mention it. (Pause) Oh, and before I forget, Hoodie Mike says you still owe him for that last sack. You have his cell number, right? Anyway. (Sigh) Well, we’re praying for you, Amy. Call me when you get this, yeah? Or, uh, maybe I’ll just tell you when I see you. Which will probably be really, really soon.”