Annamarie

I have been running into you more and more often lately, and I can't say that it's been a pleasure. You come in many different sizes, shapes, colors and age groups, but I've been seeing you most often at the shows I like to go to. I'm not entirely certain if you are singling me out for some unknown reason, or if you are merely working your way through all the girls in the room and it just happens to be my turn (lucky me), but you're really beginning to annoy me, and enough is enough! I suspect there's been a rather serious misunderstanding here, so perhaps I can clear this up for you. You see, when I go to a show, I consider that my time to dance, enjoy myself, and just get lost in the music and have a good time. What I am NOT interested in is having you come up behind me and start rubbing yourself on me, or "freaking" me, or whatever the hell you think you're doing. Nor do I want you stand half a centimeter away from me and stare intently at breasts, repeatedly jump into my line of vision doing air guitar, or try to start up a conversation (!) with me while the band is playing. Yes, I can see you, and yes, I am ignoring you because I am just trying to enjoy the show and have a good time. I am standing as close to the stage as I can get for a very specific reason, and that reason is that I love the band who is on that stage and I want to be able to hear and see everything that they're doing so as to get the full experience. Your behavior is distracting and it interferes with my enjoyment of the show. If you take into account the fact that I have generally driven a very long way (often up to 7 hours that same day), navigated the streets of San Francisco/Oakland/(insert other big city I am not overly familiar with here), paid for parking and then paid to get into the show itself, all to see this particular band that's playing, I'm sure you will understand why bothering me in this manner makes it into the Top 5 Ways to Enrage Annamarie.

If you want to get my attention in a more positive way, how about you just chill out and enjoy the show with me while respecting my personal space, then try striking up a conversation AFTER the set is over? Being cute, funny, and smelling really good helps as well (heh heh). But seriously, what's wrong with just bonding over a shared love of music and similar tastes? And here's another tip, acting friendly and being nice and complimenting me, etc. then immediately getting annoyed with me because I won't give you my number, kiss you on the mouth, and/or let you take me right then and there in the middle of the floor is a good way to convince me that are indeed some kind of asshole and that I'm right to shun you. Perhaps you noticed me joking around and being really affectionate with other people and got the idea that this was some kind of free for all, or a Step Right Up And Grab a Nice Handful O' Annamarie event. But I can assure you that it is not. I get very excited at shows and oftentimes, shows are the only times that I see those particular people, so I can get very silly and affectionate with them. Those people are my friends, they are people that I know, like, and trust, and you sir, are none of those things at this point. And perhaps my excitement and love for the band, and intense enjoyment of the music is sending out some kind of pheromone or something, but even if this is the case, I am not giving you any "come hither" looks, or staring at you lustfully from across the room, so what is your deal? To be painfully blunt, you did not even exist to me until you rudely forced your way into my personal space, and again, that is not a good way to get my attention.

I must preface this next paragraph by stating that it is NEVER, under any circumstances okay to disrespect any female based on what (or how little) she is wearing, ever ever ever! That being said, I look at the chick sitting at the bar in the see through lace micro mini dress and wonder what possible interest I could hold for you? That chick has her breasteses totally hanging out! To quote one of my favorite lines from True Romance, "I may be pretty, but I'm not as pretty as a couple of titties." Why don't you go ponder those big ass tit-tays (silently!) and gaze upon them from a discreet distance (without bothering her or making her uncomfortable) and leave me alone? How's that for a good idea? Or here's an even better one, why don't you just be cool and try relating to females like a normal person, (which doesn't involve unwanted contact between your crotch-itorial area and their ass while they are trying to enjoy the show, for starters)? In any case, if you can change your ways and demonstrate some improvement in your social skills, perhaps we can even be friends. However, if you can't do that, then you are cordially invited to eat a bag of dicks, and you may enjoy them with my compliments.