Genius or heathen, social commenter or iconoclast, role model or laughable dumbass–no matter how you cast him, the Meatmen’s Tesco Vee never fell in the middle. With album titles like Crippled Children Suck, We’re the Meatmen…and You Suck! and Pope on a Rope, the comically irascible Vee (née Robert Vermeulen) helped draft the blueprint in the ’80s for politically incorrect punk to come. Now, after a 12-year absence, he’s formed a new version of the Meatmen, taken them on tour, reissued some records and is ready to challenge social mores once again with a covers album, Meatmen-style. From Lansing, Michigan, where he spent his teenage years and has raised his family for the past decade, Vee explains how absence has made his heart grow fonder and, more importantly, why we still suck.
Fuzz: Why, after 12 years, did you want to do the Meatmen again?
Tesco Vee: That’s the one my wife asked me a couple of times. “I thought you swore you were done!” I don’t know. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I moved back to Michigan and was all happy. And then John [Brannon] from Negative Approach called me and said, “Come on, man. We’re doing our first show in Detroit in 24 years.” First he said, “Come out and introduce us.” Then it was, “Do a couple songs.” Then it became a half-hour set, and the guys from NA backed me up. And, I don’t know, it felt good. It felt like I could still do this. I could still hop around in 120-degree heat and not have the big one.
Will you be writing any new music?
After we finish this covers CD and go to the well again and write a new album–I always call that climbin’ the mountain. Sometimes I think, like, with Pope on a Rope, I went for the throat and ripped the throat out and flogged everybody to death with it and now, where do I go from here? But I guess I’ll have to try.
What’s got you pissed off these days?
You name it. There’s plenty to be pissed off about. But it has to have the Tesco twist and be clever and funny and all that neat stuff.
Since you use humor so well, how serious have your rants been over the years?
In a way, it’s like don’t ask Van Gogh why he cut off his ear. Don’t ask me if I’m serious. Obviously, I’m a mean-spirited fellow, and some of that stuff I really feel. I think everybody has those feelings, but they don’t allow them to be verbalized or come out. They keep them quelled under layers of P.C. or just common sense, but I choose to let it all come out and I guess that’s my purpose on the planet, from my perspective.
Can you think of a time when one of your jokes got you in trouble?
Not specifically. I know where the flashpoints are, and I kind of dance around them, but, no, I’ve never been jacked up against a wall. Although [Long Beach hardcore group] T.S.O.L. did jack [Minor Threat/Meatmen guitarist] Brian Baker up against the wall in [Washington D.C.’s] 9:30 Club. This was sometime in the ’80s. And T.S.O.L. are big boys, and they found out about the [Meatmen’s] “T.S.O.L. Are Sissies” song and they were looking for me. I specifically did not go to that show. Them and all their roadies jacked Brian up against the wall.
Rather than bands you think are sissies, what punk bands have you liked lately?
Some of the punk I hear on XM is pretty good. Off the top of my head, the Casualties, Guttermouth and bands like that, that are sort of old school. Too much teenie punk, though. That’s the reason I came back. I needed to school this generation on how it’s done. I blame Green Day.
Speaking of making a change, you’re selling “Tesco Vee for President” stickers on your website. What would your first act in office be?
Probably legalizing marijuana. That’s needed to happen for a long time. I think I’m gonna plug [Fear frontman] Lee Ving as my running mate, too. I think it’s a marriage made in heaven–or hell.
Since it’s such a big part of your life, how did you explain the Meatmen to your kids?
I have a son and a daughter. They were raised around it and they always knew of it. And once my son was old enough to get into music, he was bragging to his friends that, “My dad is Tesco Vee.” He and my nephews were like, “We were born too late. You’ve gotta do this again.” My son and my two nephews are going out on the road with us now. And they’re the road crew and the drivers and the merch sellers, so it’s a family affair.
Your son gets to hand his dad an inflatable dick.
[Laughs] Exactly. What’s not to like? He scrawls “Son of Vee” in black paint on his chest, and comes out onstage in a gorilla mask and shoots confetti cannons. He’s having a good time.
Since information about you is so available online now, how do you feel about how you’ve been portrayed over the years?
I think I’m happy with it. People love me, people hate me. And there are people that want me to go away and go die. I got an email, because I have my contact info up, and some guy just said, “You were sucking my dad’s dick in Detroit in ’82.” And it’s like, “Wait a minute. Hold on. First of all…” But that’s fine. That’s one reaction. Other people tell me they love me. And that’s the reason I keep going. But when I look at my Wikipedia bio and all the things people have written about me, it’s all true. Well, it’s not all true. If it makes me more interesting than I really am, then that’s OK, too. Overall, I’d say I’m happy with my place in the world. When I die, I’ll have left quite a stain on the underpants of society.