The Fix

Good-bye bio-diesel

Can I say how pleased I was to hear that the Bush government has gone cold on all that daft bio-diesel tosh…I mean–how stupid was THAT for an idea? At a time when the people in certain countries are desperate for food, were we seriously proposing using a large proportion of the planet’s precious farmland to grow crops for conversion into fuel for motor vehicles?

Of course it would be the poor countries that suffered most from the inevitable food price rises and shortages, so it is good news that this whole lunatic bio-diesel nonsense is being consigned to the dustbin of history.

And this being in the news the same week as it has been announced that the troops will soon be coming back from Iraq AND at long last there are going to be some proper gun control laws introduced in this country…

Now, of course by this point most of you will probably have glanced around the room to check the date and it is with regret that I have to inform you that your hunch is correct–and it is indeed April Fools’ Day, where the most outrageous lies and untruths are told as a jolly jape, at the expense of anyone gullible enough to fall for it!

April 1st has long been the excuse for the odd prank or two–back in 1982 residents of Hong Kong (which was suffering a water shortage at the time) were informed by the South China Morning Post that powdered water was going to be distributed as a back up measure. Now, that’s got to be just about a perfect April Fools’ stunt, but radio stations were apparently inundated with calls asking where to get hold of it!

And a few years ago the BBC got in on the act with a news item telling the impressionable Brits about the failure of that year’s Italian spaghetti crop, including hoax footage showing strands of the stuff hanging from trees–and indeed, a lot of people in the UK were taken in, hook, line and sinker.

Now, it’s debatable whether this says more about the public’s ignorance about where their food comes from (and about how many of us have witnessed the joys of an abattoir in full swing) than it says about how easy it is for media organizations to pull the wool over our eyes. But, there are whole industries that are banking on the fact that there is one born every minute…otherwise they might find themselves rapidly out of a job. I’m not just talking about advertising agencies here, but also those fine institutions that are the tobacco and junk food businesses. I mean, you’d have to be well versed in the dark arts of deception to get large proportions of the population to put their hands in their pockets and pay handsomely for things that could very likely end up killing them, wouldn’t you!?

But of course, the greatest experts at misinformation and fact twisting to get their own ends are our dear politicians…and none better than the current occupants of the White House, for even if they may not be able to fool ALL of the people all of the time, they have certainly fooled ENOUGH of the people when it counted to allow them to pursue some thoroughly unpleasant policies at home and abroad.

So there you go, that’s April Fools’ Day for you–but I must add that unless we hear some fresh ideas coming out of Washington after the impending presidential election we will not only be April fools…but May, June, July and every other bloody month for at least the next 4 years!

Pip pip,
Captain S.

Captain Sensible is the guitarist of rabble rousers the Damned who kick started the UK punk scene of 1977 along with the Clash and the Sex Pistols, with whom they shared many a stage. Highly rated examples of the Damned on vinyl are “Damned Damned Damned” and “Machine Gun Etiquette”, the latter of which combined their rifftastic version of punk rock with a generous dollop of pysychedelia–a common theme in Mr. Sensible’s work. Mr. S also had a successful (if unlikely) solo career in the ’80s and toured the USA as a rap artist (I kid you not…) when his single “Wot” found itself high in the Billboard Dance Charts. He recently formed his own political organisation, The Blah! Party, as a direct result of Tony Blair’s warmongering. Captain is still touring with the Damned who are planning some recording soon–so if there’s any labels out there……
www.captainsensible.com